All posts by Wendy Russo

P.S.P.

PSP-progessive   (worsens)  supernuclear (brain damage )palsey  (weaknesses)   Characterized by the inability to move the eyes properly which can be confused with blurry vision. 1964 was the birth of PSP.. The Dr. AT Mayo Clinic has diagnosed me with that after going 5 times. They have done all kinds of tests on me.

And the answer I can say to people now is ,”I have been diagnosed with PSP”. I do not believe I will die from this, although some people feel differently, I know GOD will heal me of this terrible disease- that I have been diagnosed as having. But all I know is I really do have slowness of speech and other things, Inability to move my eyes and falling and losing my balance a lot! It is like something has over taken my body. All I want to do is wake up and feel “Normal” one day. Soon.  And no one can understand why I don’t want to go out or do things. I don’t feel safe or Normal that’s why!!! It’s all I can do to convince people of that- they don’t understand. What can I do with this? One might ask. I plan to talk about this publicly. I want to be a spokesman for this disease whether I have it or NOT, I do need to speak what I can about this and what I will do to heal and get better. See I had nothing to do while the Coronavirus was going on so I thought I’d get THIS!!!! Not really, but It seems that way, doesn’t it? I am seeing the surgeon about my completely torn rotator cuff this week. That is another story in itself. One for later. For now the thing is PSP.

Slowly getting to things…

It has been so long since I have written anything that I seem to have forgotten how to write also! I’ll allow word to spell check everything for me and write on. If anyone shares the same symptoms as me please respond. Things have gotten slow for me. I fall a lot. I talk slower and cannot think of what I need to say. It’s terrible. I have had every test there is to no avail. All the neurologists I see think I’m crazy because I look healthy to them. They have ruled out all the major things like ;Parkinson’s and multiple sclerosis. My friends notice I lose my balance a lot and think I’m on drugs . I took Caradopa- levodopa for 12 weeks and It didn’t help. I am on nothing now.I google my symptoms and nothing comes up. This is bad but I cannot be the only person in the world with  these symptoms!!!If anyone who reads this has these symptoms please leave a note, I ll respond to only those who have the symptoms I do.

 

Alcohol Consumption

 

Someone once said to me that when someone in their 20’s drinks to get drunk, it’s socially acceptable… but if they drink beyond that age, then they’re seen as an alcoholic. That stuck with me. So although I drank some alcohol in my 20’s, I eventually quit. And now I don’t really like to drink alcohol at all. I’m just not a drinker.

I’m not saying that every person who drinks socially is an alcoholic. I don’t see anything wrong with others drinking socially on occasion. I just don’t get why someone would want to have more than a few drinks or get inebriated. Personally, I don’t care to be around people who are inebriated… and honestly, I have no desire to be romantically involved with someone who feels the need or desire to drink often.

I was married to someone who drank regularly. He never saw it, but it changed the way he related to me… and it eventually made me feel that the bottle was more important to him than I was. I do not want or need mind altering substances to get through life, and I especially don’t want my body to reap the physical side effects of alcohol consumption. They’re pretty bad. Have you ever read about it? Google it sometime.

You could call me strait or jaded, and you might be right. Many may feel that way about me regarding this issue, because when I look around today, drinking and getting a buzz seems to be the new normal for social entertainment. It seems that at my age, all I can find are men who like to drink.

Do women share this point of view more than men? I want to hear from men AND women on this one.

  1. I want to hear if you drink every day or night. And if you do drink every day or night, are you holding down a steady job? Does your significant other have an issue with your drinking?
  2. Are you a casual social drinker who only drinks on occasion? And if so, are you married or single… and how do you feel about others who don’t drink at all?
  3. Are you a non-drinker married to a drinker? How much do they drink and how does it affect your relationship.

I want to hear all about it. Because that’s what I do—I listen and learn. I don’t think I’m special because I don’t like to drink. It actually has become a curse, as I just don’t understand what makes people want it so badly.

Give me some feedback. I need to hear from others on this subject.

Being a Christian

This has nothing to do with the way I act. The definition of a Christian in Wikipedia is a person who follow’s or adheres to Christianity based on the life and teaching of Jesus Christ.

Christianity defined in Wikipedia says (among other things) that Christians believe that Jesus is the Son of God and the savior of humanity who’s coming as the Messiah was prophesied in the Old Testament.

Meriam- Webster defines a Christian as one who professes beliefs in the teachings of Christ.

Not one secular definition could I find defines Christianity as ACTING like a Christian!

That is correct! I do not walk around acting like a Christian for your personal interpretation . I can sit around on the couch and eat baloney sandwiches all day and still be saved. This is not for you to decide. Being a Christian in the world in which I live in is about a relationship with Christ. I go to Church, New life Christian Fellow ship. My Pastors are the Linkous family who I have learned so much from over the years of observing and listening. Nowhere will you find a Christian pastor or preachers say that you must ACT a certain way to be a Christian!

People who have professed Jesus Crist as their savior are simply saved from the fiery depths of hell by His grace. Some people we don’t think we will see in heaven are going to be there. It’s not our choice- we don’t decide, so for all of you out there who think a Christian should ACT a certain way, you are wrong!!

There are multitudes of people in this world who have issues, as well as Christian’s.

Being a Christian doesn’t mean I have it all together in my life. It simply means I have professed with my mouth that Jesus Christ is my savoir and salvation and nothing else is possible except through Him. We all try to act like Christ at times; we do the best we can. Other times we fail to act like Christ, This doesn’t mean I have lost my Christianity. This is for no one to judge. Ever. You can take all your religious rituals and be as good as you want to be but this doesn’t make you a Christian. Your life changes in your heart but you will not instantly change on the outside. Unfortunately, you may never change on the outside when Christ move’s in your heart.

So for all of my non-Christian and Christian friends who are reading this – if you even got to this point, Remember, don’t judge us- or anyone for that matter. We will not act a certain way and we will not act the way you expect us to act.

When someone says the prayer of salvation; that is their choice not yours!

Do you understand?

 

CHOICES

We all have choices. I didn’t realize what an impact this statement made on my life until today. Sitting at lunch with Ron Preacher, he said he knew a man who wrote a book that stated we make about 150,000 choices each day. I’m thinking like 50, maybe 100 or 150, but I was wrong! It’s 150,000!!

How did Ron prove this to me? Well he said it starts in the morning, when the alarm clock rings. Do you open your eyes or leave them closed? Do you look at the light, the iPhone or the clock? Do you get up or stay in bed? If you decide to get up, which side of the bed will you get up on, etc.? You could easily make hundreds of choices before you even get out of bed. That sold me!

We all have choices. Wow—how impacting. What do I choose right now? A friend of mine said that I need to stop saying I am old and worn out. I suppose if I continue to say it, I will become it. Choices. It’s crazy to age knowing you are near the end. I guess there will come a time in life when I will be ok with moving on to my new life. Weird thing is, I like this one. Why do I have to go anywhere? Maybe by the time I am ready there will be nothing and no one here for me anymore. So that tells me it’s not time yet, there are things to do, places to go, people to meet… choices to be made.

Will I make some changes? Will life go on despite my choices? Yes and yes. Choices will be made every day, all day long apparently, even if they’re made subconsciously. These choices will have the power to affect our lives in small ways and huge ways… like quality of life, for example.

What also comes to my mind is the choice to be happy despite the lonely times, the choice to stay active when I feel like being lazy, the choice to go to church on Sundays, and the choice to go to work or even volunteer. I choose to feel good and even if I don’t feel so great, to act like I do because no one wants to be around a complainer. Those are big choices, but I’m sure the biggest ones are the ones that readily come to mind.

What choices will you make today? Think about it.

Coach Wendy

 

Loneliness

Loneliness

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

“Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection or communication with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people. The causes of loneliness are varied and include social, mental, emotional or even physical factors.

Research has shown that loneliness is widely prevalent throughout society among people in marriages, relationships, families, veterans and successful careers.[1] It has been a long explored theme in the literature of human beings since classical antiquity. Loneliness has also been described as social pain—a psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual of isolation and motivate them to seek social connections”

There you have it.

Loneliness.

The definition as brought by Wikipedia.  I’m thinking everyone can relate to one or more of those things at times. If I sound selfish in this blog- please forgive me for that.

No one knows loneliness as I am feeling right now. But there is solace in knowing that many are lonely at this time. That is the only true comfort for me -knowing that others are there and have been there too. You see I am truly alone right now. My feelings have gone from desperation to knowing that there is only true comfort in God. That’s the truth. Because when you are truly alone, for whatever reason, it is just you and God. The feeling, if any have felt it, when we realize our death.

The time when it is just me and God

I have lost a true friend who has been released into the hands of the Lord our Savior Jesus Christ. And it was her time, clearly, but for me, she was the only true companion I have had lately. Weird as it was, she was a widow whom I befriended. No one would have ever believed it, but I can still remember the first time I visited her after her husband passed. Wondering what I was doing there and why I had gone. After each day went on and our relationship grew, I know what I was doing. I was lonely and so was she; we had each other to share with . And she was 94 years old when she passed yesterday. The first few years after she lost her husband, she talked of him all the time. But the last few years, she talked about everything else under the sun. We had great talks. I think of the times I had to yell because she didn’t have a hearing aid (which she finally got) and the times that we just sat together and would hold each other, the tears, although few, were there.

She was a true friend and someone I could call any time and go see. She didn’t drive. But that was ok. She couldn’t see real well, but she always knew I was approaching her. She had good days and bad days. That was ok. I was there through it all. Really. No one will ever know how precious the time we spent together was. No one but her, me and God. No one will ever know the capacity which we shared so many valuable moments. I will cherish each and every one of them, and It will be something I think about and remember each time I think to call her or go by. I will miss Hanna Linkous with a deep passion in my heart soul and mind. But this ultimately will be ok, because I know she is where she needs to be. With the man she spent her life on this earth with, in the arms of the ever loving God. This blog could be real long, and it would never do our relationship justice. But it is here in my heart, all the times, and places and people. It was beautiful and it has ended. Sad for me, not for her.

Life goes on and I must heal. But I will always remember you Hanna and the love you brought to my heart. Two of the last things she said to me were,” I love you very, very, very much” as she caressed my face with her feeble little hand, and ”I’m ready to go home”  and img_0037 she did  just that.  Thanksgiving Day 2016.

RIP Hanna, I love you very, very, very much!

Another Funeral

This post is about funerals. I have been to 2 funerals the past 2 weekends. One was a middle age man, yesterdays was an older lady. You may say I have become a professional mourner, or so it feels. But these funerals have something in common that may surprise you, if not myself. You see I have avoided funerals like the plague after my grandmothers, but really that was the most tragic event I could have attended, since I did not understand. My walk with Christ wasn’t as deep as it is now, and my lack of Biblical knowledge was shaky at best.

But yesterday I realized, one thing is certain, that both of these fine people who have left this earth have done just that, left this earth to be in the Glory of the Lord forever and ever. Can I get an Amen?

The Pastor put it rather profoundly yesterday as I sat there in awe of the legacy this woman had left and the lives she had touched. He said have you ever tried to explain colors to a blind person? To one who had been blind from birth, known nothing but darkness their entire life. Only black and maybe some shades of light, maybe. Try to explain color to them, like the green trees, the blue skies the white sands, or anything for that matter. They can try their hardest to imagine it, but really they may never get it right.

Be still for a minute and think about how in the Bible we are given descriptions of how heaven looks and how God looks and all the things that we will see when we get there. Think about it, and then stop. Realize that we are like the blind person trying to imagine colors. Will anyone ever get it right? I doubt it.

I believe that I will live on this earth being blessed and being a blessing to others each day of my life, and then one day, I will be swept away into the eternal abyss of the place called heaven where I will meet my creator face to face. I believe this mostly because I am a Christian and this gives me hope. But now my understanding will help me to attend these celebrations of life on this earth with a joy in my heart. A joy and mostly a peace I could never have come close to knowing had I not had this awesome walk with the Lord my savior, and known of His love for me and us.

As I close, I think of my Pastor, Larry Linkous and the love he has shown everyone he comes in contact with each day. He is my mentor.

 

 

 

Another Birthday!

Turning 54 years old last week was quite different than I thought it would be. “Just another birthday” most would say. Including me, until I had it. Long lost are all the memories of the last few years, all the things I have done, places I have been and mostly the people I have encountered. On to new things. We typically hope it will be better than last year. That is my hope at least. But I will say my body doesn’t like being 54. I guess all the years of working out, eating right (or what I thought was right) and living this crazy but routine and disciplined life, has left me looking, well, rather haggard. There is definitely a difference in my physical appearance. That bothers me. It is one thing to age; it’s another to look like you’re aging. When will it be time to turn in my clothing for the older women clothes? Allow my hair to be cut short and turn grey? Watch before my eyes (if I can see) how my once beautiful and tight skin ages every month? Realize that I lose muscles that used to be a regular part of myself and watch as they become lose skin… I always said and believed muscle does not and cannot turn into fat. Well It is, and it does (or so it seems).

As I lose it rapidly, there are places on my once perfect body that have no business hanging or sagging. But they do. Nothing I can say or do will defy the old age that I am becoming. And it all seems so weird. I have seen the article’s about embracing old age, well I guess I have to embrace it, because it is happening whether I like it or not. I even thought of joining AARP yesterday. What does one do when they get to a place that is so different than they have ever known? I really don’t know how to act, what to do, who I will be. I don’t know anything except it’s real, and it’s here. I’m single and alone in the process of aging, that’s not what I expected….. but the best laid plans… or so it is said.

Can I last another 50 years? If so who will be there for me? Where will I live, where will I go and what will I do? Those are some questions in my mind right now. And every day as it unfolds then disappears before me; I wonder what tomorrow will bring my way. Does it seem like I am bored or maybe I deserve this inquisitive mind. I don’t know, I really don’t know but right now is not a great time to ask the Coach about ageing. I don’t have any good answers. I do not mean to seem down on it, but my grandmother, and everyone’s grandmother for that matter, used to say, “Getting old is not for sissies!” Humph. Call me a sissy… I just don’t like it!

Hormones

“Can it be hormones?”,  I get asked frequently.  Even when I was younger I used to look at someone with a slight bit of skepticism and say, “yeah, maybe”…. Not really knowing for sure. Well I am here to tell you, I know for sure now. YES The answer is Yes! It can be and it probably is. If you were always lean and you could eat anything and never gain a pound, and now your diet is clean and you exercise like a fiend but you still pack on fat in the hips, thighs, and stomach, if you recently have gone through the change of life,  then yes, it is hormonal. That’s all I can say about that.

I will have mine checked again in a few months once I have gotten through the entire menopause thing, and I bet they will be so low almost non existent. Then I have some decisions to make. Hormone therapy decisions. This is really discouraging. to know that with just the change of hormones my entire body is changing. So if anyone ever wonders what is going on with you, my answer is this,  we have to make a show or something entitled, “It IS the Hormones” then maybe, just maybe, someone will believe it.

Coach Wendy

I am a Christian

As a Christian, I’m not perfect, I was lost, now I am found and forgiven.

As a Christian, I don’t speak with pride, I will stumble along my journey, but Jesus Christ is my guide (when I listen)

As a Christian, I’m no stronger than you,  I am weak but through Christ I have been given strength.

As a Christian, I am not bragging of my success, I have admitted my failures; God is there to help me stay on the right track.

As a Christian, I am not claiming to be perfect, my flaws are numerous, But God says I am worthy of all things, and perfect through His love.

As a Christian  life is not all roses for me, I still feel pain and heartache, but I have a comforter in all mighty God who soothes me in those times.

As a Christian, I am not holier than thou, I am sinner saved by the grace Jesus Christ has offered to me and you!

As a Christian, I am not a member of any particular religion; I have a relationship with the one God who is my Lord, Savior and my salvation.

I choose to follow Him the best I can, ultimately I am a Christian with all other Christians joined together in the love of Jesus Christ.

That’s what I mean when I say I am a Christian.

“This is an unauthorized adaptation taken from an original poem entitled, When I say I am a Christian, copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer”
Original work is located at www.whenisayiamachristian.com

Coach Wendy

Happy Resurrection Day! He Lives!