Turning 54 years old last week was quite different than I thought it would be. “Just another birthday” most would say. Including me, until I had it. Long lost are all the memories of the last few years, all the things I have done, places I have been and mostly the people I have encountered. On to new things. We typically hope it will be better than last year. That is my hope at least. But I will say my body doesn’t like being 54. I guess all the years of working out, eating right (or what I thought was right) and living this crazy but routine and disciplined life, has left me looking, well, rather haggard. There is definitely a difference in my physical appearance. That bothers me. It is one thing to age; it’s another to look like you’re aging. When will it be time to turn in my clothing for the older women clothes? Allow my hair to be cut short and turn grey? Watch before my eyes (if I can see) how my once beautiful and tight skin ages every month? Realize that I lose muscles that used to be a regular part of myself and watch as they become lose skin… I always said and believed muscle does not and cannot turn into fat. Well It is, and it does (or so it seems).
As I lose it rapidly, there are places on my once perfect body that have no business hanging or sagging. But they do. Nothing I can say or do will defy the old age that I am becoming. And it all seems so weird. I have seen the article’s about embracing old age, well I guess I have to embrace it, because it is happening whether I like it or not. I even thought of joining AARP yesterday. What does one do when they get to a place that is so different than they have ever known? I really don’t know how to act, what to do, who I will be. I don’t know anything except it’s real, and it’s here. I’m single and alone in the process of aging, that’s not what I expected….. but the best laid plans… or so it is said.
Can I last another 50 years? If so who will be there for me? Where will I live, where will I go and what will I do? Those are some questions in my mind right now. And every day as it unfolds then disappears before me; I wonder what tomorrow will bring my way. Does it seem like I am bored or maybe I deserve this inquisitive mind. I don’t know, I really don’t know but right now is not a great time to ask the Coach about ageing. I don’t have any good answers. I do not mean to seem down on it, but my grandmother, and everyone’s grandmother for that matter, used to say, “Getting old is not for sissies!” Humph. Call me a sissy… I just don’t like it!